My Dahlia
by toledo girl
Summary: A new presence in Sister Jude's life causes her to reflect back on a tragic night, one that is slowly coming back to haunt her. Will she be able to over come her demons? Or will she ultimately have to pay the price for her wrong doings?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Looking Back

There comes a point in everyone's life where they question their life. They wonder what they have really accomplished, how they have affected other people. They wonder, if their life is actually worth living.

Sister Jude was at that point right now. She sat in her darkened office, listening to the rain hit the window as she blankly stared down at the news paper before her. It was a copy of the paper from right after she had hit the girl. Although she was furious and wanted to go after who ever had managed to get ahold of the paper, she realized that her anger was misdirected. It was her fault.

That night, she didn't have to drive herself home. She didn't have to drink nearly as much as she had. Hell, she didn't even have to be there. But, she did and she was and that was the bottom line.

All her life had been a disaster. No one there knew her past, and it was better that way. No one knew about her first husband, her children, her drinking afterwords. Her entire life was one big dirty secret that she kept hidden under her perfectly kept attire and straight laced attitude.

There was a knock at the door, disrupting her thoughts. "Come in!" she called.

Sister Mary Eunice entered the room, a subtle smug smile tugged at her lips. "Doctor Thredson wants to talk to you about a patient. He's in his office," she informed her.

Sister Jude raised an eyebrow to her as she nonchalantly mixed the paper in with the rest of the papers on her desk and slid them into her drawer. "Did he specify which patient?" she inquired.

"No. He just told me to come get you if you weren't busy," she answered.

"All right," Jude sighed as she got to her feet.

"You know, it saddens me really, how he favors certain patients over the others," Mary Eunice mentioned. She looked up, seeing that she had caused Jude to stop at the door. "When really, if you're going to take care of a group of people, you should really try to avoid playing favorite. Don't you think?"

Jude turned to look at her. "The only patient that he should be favoring right now is the one that he was sent here to see, Kit Walker. The others are none of his business," she curtly replied before leaving.

Once she was out in the hall, Jude's eyes widened. She didn't want Mary Eunice to know it, but her words had struck a nerve in her.

_Jude stood behind the chair that her daughter, Emily, sat as she brushed her long blonde hair. "I'm so proud of you," Jude beamed. _

"_Thank you mother," Emily replied, smiling at herself in the mirror. _

_Regan, Emily's little sister sat in the corner, just watching. "How come you never dress me up like you do Emily?" she implored. _

"_Because dear, you never have an occasion to dress up for. Maybe if you did better in school and behaved more like a lady, you might get more chances to dress up," Jude responded, keeping her attention on Emily's hair. _

Sister Jude pushed the memory back and forced herself to maintain her composure as she continued on her way to see Doctor Thredson. She did have some dignity to maintain.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Whiskey Lullaby

1948

Regan sat in her room, wearing a hand me down First Communion dress. Emily's First Communion dress. The only thing that she had wanted from Emily was the party that she had gotten afterwards, but that seemed to be the only thing that she wasn't going to get.

Emily was the oldest of the three girls. She got everything first, which meant she got the best of all of them. She got the new while the other two got her hand me downs. It wasn't so much that Regan minded having to wear her sister's clothes, her father had gotten killed in the war, they were doing what ever they could to save money. What she did mind though was the fact that nobody from her father's side of the family was going to be coming to her party. They had just cut her and her sisters out of their lives.

"Regan?" Jude called from the doorway. She was choking back the tears. There was no way that she was about to cry in front of her eight year old daughter. Never. She had to be the strong one now.

The little girl turned back and looked to her. "Don't I look pretty mommy?" she asked, delighted that she had gotten her chance to dress up like Emily had.

Jude sighed. "I can't go today," Jude blurted out to her. It was the only way to break it to her. She walked over and knelt down before Regan, softly smiling as she looked her over, how grown up she looked in that dress. Her light brown hair all pulled back in her little veil. "Regan honey," she began, cupping her face in her hand. "Emily's in the hospital. Mr. Wendell just left with her a few minutes ago. Her fever spiked up last night and she passed out this morning," she explained.

Regan just nodded and turned back to the mirror. Even though it wasn't Emily's fault, she was still mad at her. This was supposed to be her day and now she was taking her mom away from her.

"Your Aunt Karen is going to be here to pick you up in a little bit to take you and Janelle to the church," Jude told her as she stood back up and gathered her composure. "I'm going to head over to the hospital."

Regan sat there, pouting as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her day had just been stolen.

1964

"For a professional man you sure seem to be oblivious to the term temporary," Jude remarked as she stepped into the office.

"I was sent here to evaluate a patient Sister. A job like that can not be taken lightly," he calmly defended himself.

"Then start concentrating on him and leave the other patients alone," she ordered.

"Could you please have a seat?" Oliver requested.

Jude sighed as she obliged. "What is it?"

"Are you aware that there are new medical procedures out there that would be more safe and efficient?" he questioned. After the exorcism, he had really been thinking about this place and what was wrong with it. It was the only thing to keep him from thinking about what the boy said to him. _"Oliver, look at you. I see what you've become and I'm glad I gave you up."_ His mother's voice still ringing in his ears. At least, what he thought could have been her voice.

"I thought you men were supposed to be good at listening," Jude quipped. "This is not your institution Dr. Thredson. You are simply a guest," she clarified.

"Yes Sister, but I can still get you in trouble for inhumane treatments," he informed her, standing to his feet.

Jude just watched him as he started for the door. "You're the one who slipped the paper in with the mail this morning aren't you?" she implored. It made sense, he seemed to want to get her trouble lately, get her out of there.

Oliver stopped and looked back to her, perplexed. "What paper?" he questioned.

Jude stood up and went to join him by the door. "Watch yourself Doctor. Just remember, you were the doctor present during the exorcism," she warned, hoping to cover up her fear. Without another word, she walked out the door.

Ooo

Mary Eunice kept the yellow envelope in her hand as she swiftly made her way to Sister Jude's office. A dark smirk replaced her once innocent smile. She stopped before the door and knocked. No response. She figured that Sister Jude must have still been talking to Oliver.

She had a simple solution though. She crouched down and carefully slid the envelope under the door and left the scene before she could return.

It was moments later when Jude returned to her office. She opened up the door and instantly noticed the envelope for her.

Taking a quick glance around to see if anyone else was there, she gingerly took the envelope and closed the door behind her.

Today she had been on edge. Ever since the newspaper clipping appeared, she knew that someone knew. She had to figure out who it was. This here, right now, the envelope held in her shaky hands had to be another article.

Taking a deep breath, she carried the envelope over to her desk and opened it. Instead of an article though, pictures fell out onto the desk.

"No," she softly gasped, covering her mouth. The pictures from the crime scene covered her desk. A young girl's body mutilated. The sandy blonde hair covered in blood. "No," she cried, backing away from the desk.

It just couldn't be. There was no way that anyone here could have gotten a hold of those photos. Never.

1954

Jude ran down the sidewalk, clutching her raincoat closed. Her house was close. She could see the police cars and the ambulance out front.

"What happened?" she desperately implored, trying to catch her breath.

The police officer said nothing. Instead, with eyes full of pity, he looked over to the body bag that was being carried out of the house.

"No!" Jude cried out as she took off toward the men carrying the bag.

1964

Jude pulled herself together and went back to her desk. She had to get those pictures back into the envelope and hide them.

It was as soon as the pictures were away, that the phone rang. "Hello, Briarcliff Manor," she greeted as steadily as she could manage. Her voice was contrived, but for the moment, that was as good as it was going to get.

"Two wrongs don't make a right. You didn't have to leave me. You could have at least checked on me," the little girl said.

"No!" she yelled out, slamming down the phone. "No," she cried. It was all she could say right now. There was no way that this all could be happening right now.

1954

Jude sat up at the bar. Her make up was flawlessly done, her red dress perfectly fitting to her form. She was there to forget. Whisky was the Martin family cure all. She pulled a cigarette out and placed it in her mouth. While she dug through her purse for her lighter, a man leaned over and lit it for her. "Thank you," she replied, offering him a smile.

"So sweetheart, what's your poison?" he cooly inquired.

This was not the time to be picking up men. Her daughter's were gone, her husband was dead. She was still mourning. However, she had nothing left to lose and really did feel she could use another drink. "Whiskey," she answered, starting the lifestyle that would nearly end her.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Haunting

1954

Jude stood next to the body bag laid out on the stretcher. They had called her over to check the identity of the bodies.

"Now, Mrs. Reynolds, I have to warn you," the officer began.

Jude looked to him with weary eyes. It was as soon as she heard those words that she knew she would have to completely brace herself for the worst. "Please officer," she begged. "Just show me and get it over with. No matter what you say or how long you prepare me, its still going to haunt me," she stated.

"All right Mrs. Reynolds," he said.

Jude combed her hair back from her face as she watched him reach for the zipper.

"Oh my God!" she cried out at the sight. Her oldest daughter, Emily, lay there before her. She was dead. Pale and dead. Her throat had been slit with huge gash marks on her shoulders and head.

"Do you need a minute before seeing the other two?" he offered.

Jude closed her eyes, trying to fight the urge to vomit. "No," she breathed out, finally opening her eyes. "I'm fine."

She was lead to identify her youngest daughter, Janelle. She had the same marks as Emily. Even though she had just seen the same marks, it was still hard for her.

Finally, she was lead to her middle daughter, Regan. "Now, Mrs. Reynolds, I know you said that warning you wouldn't help, but I think this is the point where I have to tell you what we think happened," he informed her.

The two stopped a few feet away from the body. "What happened?" she implored, getting herself ready for the worst of it.

"We have reason to believe that this daughter murdered the other two and then committed suicide. You'll see why after we show you the body," he told her.

"That can't be right," she argued. There was no way that her little Regan could kill anyone. "I mean, she couldn't kill a spider in her room for crying out loud!"

The officer grabbed Jude's shoulders. "Please Mrs. Reynolds, we need you to be able to identify this third body and then we have some questions," he told her.

Jude followed him and stood by the body, watching as he unzipped the final bag. Everything seemed like it was in slow motion to her. Her eyes remained glued to her daughter as he pulled the top of the bag back, revealing her head. Then, her shoulders. Nothing. Nothing had beed done to either. Jude felt like this should have made her feel better, but all it did was make her more and more nervous about what she had to expect next. That was when she saw it, her left arm all sliced with vertical lines. The deep dark red slits.

"We found her with the knife in her hand," he stated.

"Oh my God!" she cried. She lost it, the tears blending with the rain. Her hand shaking as she moved to cover her quivering lip.

1964

Sister Jude sat at her desk working on paper work. After the incident with the pictures, she needed something to distract her. Anything to get her mind off of those memories and keep them away.

By this time, she had calmed down and she had gathered her composure. She was still a bit jumpy though and tense.

"Doctor Thredson wants to see Lana Winters's file," Mary Eunice announced as she came into the room.

Jude jumped at the sound of her voice. This girl had to learn how to knock sooner or later. After taking a second to close her eyes and catch her breath, she looked up from her desk. This wasn't the first time that she had heard this request, and she was sure that it wasn't about to be the last. "Does he have a good reason this time?" she inquired. She knew that he didn't, she was just interested in hearing whatever crazy excuse he had this time.

"I don't know Sister," Mary Eunice admitted. "I didn't ask." She stood before the desk, her eyes wondering around to try and see if she had kept the envelope that she had dropped off earlier.

Sister Jude just sighed. "He's just sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. Tell him I'm not handing it over," she instructed. It had to be something to do with her previous conversation with him, about their methods of treatment getting her in trouble.

"He said to ask Doctor Arden if you turn him down," Mary Eunice added. That part wasn't true, but she wanted Jude out of that office. She had to see what she did with those pictures. There was one in there of Emily that she wanted.

Jude stiffened at the sound of his name. Ever since day one, there had been a slight power struggle between the two. Even though she knew she was in charge of Doctor Arden, his arrogance bothered her. The fact that he thought he could do what ever he pleased. She figured maybe she owed Doctor Thredson more credit, he was able to find something that bothered her. "Then go tell Doctor Arden that he has no business handing out files," she ordered, starting to get annoyed with all of this insistence. She had better things to do than sit here and argue.

"Yes Sister," Mary Eunice replied. She slowly turned and started towards the door. She knew sooner or later that Jude would either give in to Doctor Thredson, or get up and go talk to him herself. Either way, Jude would be getting away from that desk and out of that office and she could get in there.

"Give the man one room and he feels like he owns the place," Jude mumbled to herself as she went back to her paper work.

Ever since that man had shown up, he had been giving Jude a hard time about how this place was being run. It shocked her really, how one man can come in here, briefly walk pass through a room of patients, talk to one, hear a few rumors and then come back out judging everyone and everything within the building. He had no idea the people that were locked up here. He wouldn't last a day with these psychos.

What was it with these? They felt like as soon as they strolled into a building they could just go ahead and take over?

Looking up to Mary Eunice, who was almost to the door, a smirk formed on her face. "You know what, humor him. Give the man all the files he wants," she announced.

Mary Eunice stopped and turned to her. "Sister?" She was a little taken aback, she figured that Jude would be out there talking to Oliver rather than giving in to his demands.

"He thinks this institution is so barbaric, maybe once he gets a glimpse of some of the patients we have here he'll shut up. Tell him I'll get the files for him in the morning," Jude explained. "I'd like to see how he would handle a chromic masturbator and sexual deviant both showing off their, 'special talents' in a room full of people for the third time that day."

"Yes sister," Mary Eunice obliged, a similar smile forming on her face.

ooo

_It was late in the afternoon as Jude walked from the counter towards a table with a tray full of drinks. "You free tonight?" a man implored. _

"_No," Jude curtly answered without so much as stopping. That wasn't good enough though, the man reached over and grabbed onto her wrist. _

"_No!" Jude nearly yelled. _

"_Jude Martin! Phone!" a waitress called to her, only moments later. _

"_Hello?" Jude asked. She took a moment to listen, her face turning white as her mouth fell open. "No!" she cried out, the tears of fear and disbelief streaming her face. _

_The rain was pouring down, drenching her as she stood outside her house. She tightly held her coat closed as she watched the bodies being carried out in body bags. "Double murder and a suicide," the police officer told her. _

_All dressed up in red, her favorite color, as she sat at the bar checking her make up. "I drink because I have to," she informed the bartender as he handed her her drink. She smiled down to the glass and picked it up, holding it to her mouth. "It's not like I have anything left to lose," she said before tossing her head back and taking a gulp. _

"_Oh my God!" Jude gasped, looking at the reflection in her rear view mirror. Everything had happened so fast, yet, she knew exactly what happened. In that brief moment of terror, she drove off, leaving the little girl to die alone. _

Jude awoke in a cold sweat. Her heart pounding as she tried desperately to catch her breath. This was the second time this week that she had had this nightmare.

She sat up and attempted to calm herself. Ever since the exorcism, she had been stuck thinking about the little girl, remembering the night her daughters were killed. All of the guilt coming back to haunt her.

It had been years, but all of the images were still fresh in her mind. She covered her face with her hands, working to force herself to think about anything else.

After the failed attempt at peace, she lifted her head and looked around the dark room. It was no comfort to her. If anything, it was just a reminder of how alone she was in life. As alone as the little girl that she had left.

She laid back down and closed her eyes. The was no denying it, as soon as she would fall asleep she would have the same dream. It was a losing battle. She needed her sleep though. She needed the strength to get through the next few days. Something told her that she was about to have one of the longest weeks.

ooo

The next morning, even though she was extremely tired, Jude came through with her promise. She went down to Doctor Arden's room to get the files that Doctor Thredson wanted. She decided to be the civil one and knock on the door. "Doctor Arden?"

There was no response. Sighing, she opened the door and stepped inside. "Doctor Arden?" Jude tried again, only to get no response.

"Getting information from one child to hand to another," she muttered to herself. She strolled around the area, looking at the brains that he kept in the jars. She would never tell him, but those brains disturbed her. Even disgusted her. "I guess I'll have to get it myself."

Jude walked over to the filing cabinet and started searching through the names. While she was going down the tabs, she heard a loud pounding. It caused her stop for a second. She listened, but heard nothing else. Shrugging it off, she went back to searching. Soon after though, there was a gurgling noise. "Someone there?" Jude questioned, quickly standing up and looking around the room.

The noise was coming from back behind the door. Her attention was immediately brought to it. Carefully, she stepped towards it and pulled the door open. She loudly gasped upon the sight.

"Sister Jude?" Mary Eunice called out as she spotted her rushing down the hall. She jogged to catch up with her.

"Not now!" Jude snapped. She had to get to the Monsignor as soon as she could. After what she saw she even considered just calling the police right now. Why even talk to anyone else?

"But Sister!" Mary Eunice pleaded as she began to struggle to keep at her pace.

"I have to go to talk to the Monsignor," Jude sternly explained. She was determined to get there. As far as she was concerned, anything else could wait a few minutes.

"What about?" Mary Eunice questioned. She knew where she had just been and was now worried.

"Let's just say I have a feeling Doctor Arden's time here is almost done," Jude replied.

Mary Eunice stopped and watched her for a moment. She had to go warn him. She turned and her heels and started towards the field outside where she knew he would be.

ooo

"Doctor Arden?" Mary Eunice called to him. She had found him outside, just standing there, watching the creatures that he himself had created. A content look of satisfaction occupied his face.

"How were they last night?" Arthur questioned. He looked to her, offering a smile.

Mary Eunice returned the smile. She figured she might as well go along with this before dropping the news. It wasn't like a minute was going to make a difference. With the way Jude was going, she was probably already talking to the Monsignor by the time she even reached the door. "Very hungry. I'm surprised I even got the bucket back," she calmly informed him. "But I have something else to tell you," she added.

"What is it?" He could see a glimmer of concern in the young woman's eyes.

"Sister Jude must have seen something. She's going to talk to the Monsignor about you," she announced.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Confessions

"He's mutilating those people!" Jude firmly announced, pacing the floor before the Monsignor's desk.

Timothy calmly looked up to her. He had an idea of what she was talking about, with Arden and his experiments. He had known, and given him the permission.

What he didn't know, was exactly how far these experiments were going to go. His guess, Jude saw one person, slightly ill and overreacted. Anyone who is ever taken by surprise perceives things worse than they are.

The Monsignor sighed, removing his glasses and massaging his temples. "Do you realize the magnitude of the accusations you are making?" he wearily questioned. He had to find a way out of this.

Jude stopped dead in her tracks, turning back over her shoulder to look to him. "Of course I know the magnitude!" she answered, offended at the fact that he could even felt he had to ask. She was being treated as if she were tattling on some misdemeanor like he forgot to cover his mouth once while he was coughing out in the hallway.

Jude turned and made her way to his desk. "And I'm sure that if anyone else got wind of his doings, that they would understand the magnitude of the situation," she explained to him. "I want you to get rid of him before the wrong person finds out about this."

Timothy looked to her with concern. He knew that she was looking out for him. Normally, he would have listened to her. This time though, he had no choice. He had to get her to quiet down and ignore the situation. He had to make her feel like she was overreacting and that she was mistaken.

"Now sister, is it possible that you're imagining things? I mean, he is a doctor, there are going to be sick people in that room," he inquired, hoping to get her to back down from her stance.

Jude sighed, keeping her composure. He didn't know how much he was hurting her by not trusting her. She was just trying to protect this place, this dream of his. She wanted to be able to see him off to Rome. This was all for him and he was here treating her as if she were just some silly girl who saw something that scared her in the dark. How could he not trust her enough to believe her when she told him something like this?

"I'm telling you, what I saw down there was not a human anymore. I don't know how he did it, but he created a monster," she firmly stated.

Timothy placed his glasses back on his face and stood to his feet. "I'll go take a look for myself. But until then, please keep this just between us," he requested.

"Yes Father," she flatly replied. She still didn't like how long it took him to finally listen to her, but at least he was taking some action now.

Jude followed him out of the room, but went the opposite direction down the hall. With her head down, she kept a steady pace. There was no one else with her, and she wanted to get to her office before she had any company.

Quickly, she slid back into her office, making sure that the door was closed behind her, and sat down in her chair at her desk. More and more over time, she had sense that Dr. Arden was bad. Not just because he didn't get along with her. She wasn't that petty.

There was just something about him. An uneasy feeling that came over her when they had first met. A feeling that kept growing more and more intense the longer she knew him.

Sure, she was good at hiding it. She knew that at any moment she needed to, she could take him down and make sure that he didn't ruin anything here. Even now, without the support of Timothy, she knew that she could do it.

It just bothered her that he didn't believe her. Back when they were preforming the exorcism, the devil was right about something. She hated being the smartest one in the room and having no one listen to her. That was how she felt with Timothy sometimes. She would tell him about Dr. Arden, and he would tell her that it wasn't her job to worry about him. Or she would hear that he was church approved so he had to be fine.

What Timothy didn't seem to understand, was that he was the only friend that she had. Yes, he did listen to her, on everything else. This though, was the one thing that he truly needed to hear. But, she was willing to do anything for him. And yet, he wasn't willing to listen to her on this? It took her yelling in his office to finally get him to at least consider what she was saying could be true. All she was trying to do was help him out, and he didn't want to hear it.

Oooo

"Dr. Arden?" Timothy called out upon entering his office.

Arthur, who was standing before the window, simply gazing out, turned and looked to Timothy. "Something wrong Father? You seem a bit nervous," he casually noted.

Timothy stood before him. "Sister Jude has just come to me to inform me that you are using human subjects as experiments," he informed him.

Arthur waved him off as he turned back towards the window. "She didn't inform you on anything."

"I may have already known, but that doesn't change the fact that you need to hide your work better," Timothy argued.

Arthur turned back to Timothy. "The only reason she saw anything at all was because she was snooping around down here. If anything, you should watch your facility more closely," he firmly told him. He then started walking towards the priest. "When we made a deal, I expected that you would make sure to fully keep your end. I'm not going to have to start slipping on mine am I?" he inquired, beginning to smirk.

Timothy stared up to him, his eyes grew slightly larger with worry. "I'll keep her quiet," he assured.

Arthur nodded. "Good," he said. "I would hate to have to tell someone about the missing money. What was it, a couple hundred?" he asked, slowly pacing to other end of the room.

Timothy glared to him. "You know what that money was for. It wasn't as if I were taking it to get a new toy or something silly," he defensively stated.

"Right," Arthur responded, turning back and continuing his pace. "If I recall right, it was for a certain surgery for your mother. She needed a tumor removed from her liver."

"That's right," Timothy replied, lowering his head. He hated thinking back on that time, a time in which he didn't have the money to properly care for his mother. He was an only child, his father had passed years ago and his aunts and uncles were either older or dead. He was left alone to care for his mother.

"And I may also be right in recalling that stealing is stealing no matter what. Is that correct, Father?" he smugly implored.

Timothy lifted his head, ashamed like a young boy. "Just be more careful and I'll do my part," he instructed before turning and leaving.

Arthur smiled in his direction a moment before taking a seat at his desk. He found it amusing, being able to get away with just about anything he wanted. It just went to prove that a little blackmail could get you anywhere.

"So Sister Jude is onto us?" Mary Eunice questioned as she casually walked into the room.

Arthur looked up and offered her a smile. Seeing her always brightened his day. "Sister Mary Eunice, what brings you here?"

She came in and sat down across the desk from him and crossed her legs. "I saw Jude walk out of your room earlier," she informed him. "But I guess you already know that."

"I wouldn't worry about her," Arthur assured her.

"You know, I wouldn't shove her off that easily," Mary Eunice warned her. "Did you ever hear of what she did to her daughters?"

The fact that Jude once even had a family perplexed him. "What?" Arthur asked, trying to picture her as a mother.

"Yeah, it was a real bloodbath apparently," she mentioned. All too casually for Arthur's taste, but he let it go. "She left her daughters alone and then came back home to find out that one of them had killed the others right before killing herself. Then you have some of the patients here, the ones that have gotten worse. The woman drives people nuts," she explained, using almost animated gestures.

Arthur just looked to with disbelief. Gradually, he shifted to a smirk. "So miss holier than thou does happen to have a few skeletons in her closet."

"Oh believe me, the old bat has plenty," Mary Eunice responded.

ooooo

Kit cautiously walked into the office and sat down before the nun, Sister Jude. Normally, he would have hated coming here, because he knew to expect to be caned. Now though, he hated being here for a different reason: he might be guilty.

"You requested to see me Mr. Walker?" she asked, eying him.

"Yes Sister, I came because I think I might be guilty," he admitted.

"You finally decided to give up your story about the little green men?" she quipped.

Kit just nodded. Even though her response stung, she was a nun and if he could get her to forgive him, anyone would, including Alma. "See, I, I don't remember actually killing her, but I must have. There's no other way," he explained. "The way I see it though, if I did it, God knows then, right?"

It took Jude a second, but she nodded. "Yes, that's right," she answered with trepidation. Her thoughts going back to the night that she hit the little girl.

"May I ask you something?" he inquired. It was about to be risky, but he felt he could handle the consequences if that was truly what it came down to.

"Sure," she replied, trying to keep herself together.

"Have you ever done something so awful that you questioned whether or not you really wanted to go on?" Kit implored. Right now, he had a choice. He could either get the chair or prove himself insane and stay here. Neither one sounded good, but if it did turn out that he did indeed kill the woman he loved, he wasn't sure that he deserved that chance to live. Besides, he wanted to know whether or not he was doing the right thing here, confessing to the murder. If he wasn't sure he did it, should he be convincing himself that he did?

Jude stiffened up at the question. "We're all sinners. Just remember that," she explained. "I've done things that I shouldn't have done and I've later regretted them."

Kit nodded. Regret was understatement here. "Dr. Thredson wants me to confess to the murder. I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing here," he said. He looked up to see Jude looking to him, slightly visible concern in her eyes. "I don't want to get there and confess to a murder and take a chance of getting blamed while the real murderer is out there somewhere. If my wife was somehow murdered by someone else, I don't want to get the electric chair and then find out there is an after life and have to explain to her that she didn't really get the justice she deserved. I don't want to be the one who allowed a murderer to remain out on the streets," he told her.

"Well, what do you think Mr. Walker?" she questioned. "Do you think you deserve to get the chair or don't you?"

Jude watched as he lowered his head. "I can't make this decision for you Mr. Walker. I can tell you though, if you really think you did it, confess and take the consequences. You deserve to fry. If you think you didn't though, you have another chance to confess if you find something out. Just remember God knows what you've done and eventually, you're going to have to pay the price," she informed him. It was also a bit of a wake up call to how her life had been going lately. She herself was constantly paying. "Whether it be killing or letting the killer free."

"Thank you Sister," he said as he stood from the chair. "I'm going to go confess."

"Good for you," she replied, looking to him with a small amount of admiration. He was able to step up and take the blame. He was more courageous than she had ever been.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Emily (part 1)

1954

Jude carried the tray full of dirty dishes down the aisle between a row of booths and a row of tables. The random conversations all merging together. She kept her eyes straight forward.

Really, she hated this job. She hated everything about it. The only reason that she had it was because of her daughters. She needed the extra money. During the day, she would work as a cashier over at the local supermarket. That job wasn't too bad. This one though, she only worked on the weekends, always the shift that handled happy hour. That was when she had to deal with the drunk men making their remarks, asking her out.

Jude got to the kitchen and dropped off the dirty dishes. She then headed out to the bar and picked up the drinks that had to deliver.

"Scotch on the rocks, gin and tonic, and two beers," she listed off as she set each one down on the table.

"Hey toots? You free after this?" the man asked, his speech slurred.

The only man looked over to him with concern. "Hey man, she's a single mother. Ya know? Three daughters," he explained to him, doing a really bad job at keeping his voice hushed.

"No!" the man responded, looking to her with disbelief.

In all honesty, Jude did still like the attention. She liked knowing that she had options out there. It was just, she really did not feel sexy in her uniform and all she wanted to do was get home. Friday and Saturday night were the nights that she and the girls could stay up late together and she really looked forward to it.

"Is there anything else I can get you?" she questioned.

"Your daughters look anything like you?" the man asked.

Jude's smirk instantly turned to a look of disgust. "I may not have a husband, but I do have shot gun and I know how to use it," she warned.

Another man from across the table leaned over and looked to her with concern. "Hey ma'am, he's drunk. He don't mean anything by it," he informed her.

Jude sighed. "I know," she replied, forcing a smile. She really couldn't afford to get a bad tip from these guys, so she had to pretend it was nothing bad. "I'm sorry. Is there anything else I can get for you guys?" she once again offered.

After they told her no, she smiled and nodded and then turned and started walking back towards the counter.

"Excuse me ma'am."

Jude stopped beside the booth and looked down to see a man wearing sunglasses and a hat. He kept looking to the table next to him, smirking. Now she knew that this was going to be another time waster. She had to though. "Yes sir?"

The man suddenly seemed nervous. It wasn't like he was expecting her to actually stop and talk to him. "I, I was wondering if you wanted to come to my house after your shift," he awkwardly offered.

"No."

The man reached out and grabbed her hand. "Are you sure? Because I can offer you more than any man here," he told her.

Jude slapped his hand away. "I said no!" she firmly responded. She then turned and hastily started back to the kitchen.

"Why? You have a gigolo waiting for you that you think can get the job done better?" he asked.

Instantly, she turned on her heel and went back, just to slap him as hard as she could across his smug little face.

"Hey! What the hell is wrong with you buddy?" one the men called over to him.

The man in the glasses stood up and grabbed Jude's shoulders. "You didn't need to cause a scene!" he hissed.

A few of the random men in the place stood up and came to Jude's aid. "Hey fella, just let her go. You've had to much to drink," one of them said.

The man with the glasses obliged. "Fine," he sighed.

The men at the table next to him, laughing at him.

1964

"I see there was another patient that died last night," Jude announced upon entering the office.

Arthur turned around and looked to her from his plants. "And I see a nun who can't understand that sick people sometimes die," he responded. "Isn't there something about death in that book of yours?"

Jude smirked, walking closer to him. "You really think I'm that stupid?" she inquired. "Martha wasn't even sick. I see patients go into your operating room and never come back out, and you expect me to just believe that they died of natural causes?"

"I expect you to open your eyes to reality every once in a while," he flatly told her. "You're working in an insane asylum and you can't believe that people die. You would rather pin some sorted conspiracy to me than take some responsibility yourself," he said.

Jude's smirk faded as she watched him carry one of his plants over to his desk. "What are you saying?" she defensively implored.

"What I'm saying sister," he started as he stopped and sat down at his desk. "Is that you go through the place signing for pills and caning people and then you look at me when something goes wrong," he explained, starting to smugly smile.

Jude rushed over to the desk. "You said those pills were safe," she hissed.

"I thought I was the murderer," Arthur mocked.

"I didn't know then what I know now. I never trusted you, but now I know that I was right. I have proof now," she informed him.

"Oh? And what proof is that? A list of dead people from an asylum?" he inquired.

"Trust me when I say I will find out what's going on here and I will put an end to it," Jude curtly stated before turning to leave.

Arthur sat back and grinned. "How I can trust someone who can't even manage their own family?" he asked.

Jude froze in the doorway. Her eyes widened.

"Mrs. Reynolds?"

Jude just looked over her shoulder, trying to maintain her composure. "What are you even talking about?" she inquired. Her hands grasping onto the sides of the door frame.

"Have you forgotten your own daughters so quickly?" he questioned.

Jude turned to briefly face him. "If you think for one moment that you can play games with me and win, you've got another thing coming," she warned, motioning to him. As soon as she was done, she turned back and hurried down the hall.

As soon as she far enough away from him, her pace slowed. She started to wonder how he could have even known that she had been married before, let alone her name and her children.

"Oh God," she softly gasped to herself. Her mind went back to that night in the restaurant. The man with the sunglasses. The voices of those two men, in her mind, sounded similar.

It explained so much to her. It had to be him. It had to be that same guy. How else could he have known about that part of her life? Why else did she feel uneasy around him the very first time they met. It made sense. That was when it hit her though.

That was the man whom she turned down and embarrassed. That was the man who was now killing off patients.

Cautiously, she looked back in the direction of his office, wondering if it were possible. Wondering, if maybe, it was him who murdered her little girls.

Now, she felt she had to do anything she could to find out, and to finally get back at that monster.

ooo

Mary Eunice knew that she had to keep Jude from getting Arthur in trouble. One of the best ways to do that was to drive her insane. At least make it look as though she were insane to everyone else who truly mattered in this situation.

That was why she had Annie come here. Little Annie was eight years old. She had long blonde hair in pigtails, pigtails that Mary Eunice had made sure were tied with pink ribbon. She had light hazel eyes, a permanent smile, and bright rosy cheeks.

"So, Annie, tell me what you've been doing lately," Mary Eunice said, keeping the little girl's hand in her's as she guided her through the lobby.

"Not much," Annie softly replied. Her eyes were wide with both fear and curiosity as they started up the staircase. "I got a brand new puppy," she announced.

Mary Eunice just smiled. "I'm going to take you to meet someone," she explained as they stepped into the hall. "And you have to promise to be on your very best behavior. Got it?"

Annie just looked up to Mary Eunice. There was something different about her Aunt. It had been a while since she had seen her, but she knew that there was something wrong with her. She ignored it though. "I promise," she meekly answered.

"Good," Mary Eunice said with a smile.

The two came up to the door and knocked. "Sister Jude?" she called.

"Come in!" Jude replied. She was sitting at her desk looking over the files of the patients that had died within the past couple of years.

The door opened and Mary Eunice lead the little girl into the room. "This is my niece Annie," she introduced.

"You shouldn't be bringing your family in here," Jude firmly stated as she eyed over a document. She then looked up, her eyes stuck on the little girl.

"I'm sorry I volunteered to watch her for a few hours. My sister really needed someone to leave her with," Mary Eunice informed her.

"This is still no place for a child," Jude absently responded. There was no questioning it, the little girl resembled Emily an awful lot. She just stared at her, not really knowing how to react. Just with everything going on right now, the flashbacks, the guilt, her realization of Arthur, it was all too much right now as it was.

1948

Jude stepped into the room where her daughter lay. Her cheeks were stained with tears. The doctor had just talked to her out in the hall.

"Emily?" she softly asked. It was hard seeing her little girl laying there in the bed.

Emily forced a small smile to her mother.

Jude returned the smile, brushing her hair back behind her ear. "I want you know, that I will never ignore you again, okay?" she inquired.

The entire time that Emily had been complaining, Jude was busy and had kept telling her that it was just a sore throat. She would tell her that she just needed to get some rest. And here she was, resting in the hospital because she had let a strep infection spread.

Emily just nodded, her eyes closing as she drifted back to sleep.

Jude went and grabbed Emily's little hand and held it, promising to not leave.

**Please let me know what you think of this so far. I'm starting to wonder whether or not I should continue. **


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Emily (part 2)

Jude just continued to stare at the little girl. "I'm sorry, but you're going to take her home as soon as possible," she absently instructed. Her mouth slightly twitched, but she made sure to hold herself together.

1948

Regan and Janelle sat in the dressing room as Jude helped Emily try on a new dress. It was usually Jude who was the most excited for these trips. She liked being able to by a new outfit for her girls. She would always put aside a small amount of her paycheck to be able to take them shopping every once in a while.

Regan though, noticed that Emily was getting the most expensive item while her and Janelle were getting cheaper, a lot cheaper.

"What do you think?" Jude questioned, beaming with excitement as she stood back and viewed her oldest daughter in a pink dress short sleeve dress with the skirt coming out a bit. She had a thick white satin ribbon that tied as belt into a bow.

Emily smiled, looking at her own reflection. This was the first time she had been out since she got back from the hospital. "I like it!" she announced. She always loved going shopping. She also always grateful. She had her mother's intuition, knowing everything that was going on around her.

Jude didn't notice until later on how much each of the girls were like her. Emily could judge character without flaw. She knew when something was wrong and wouldn't stop until she knew what it was.

Regan, on the other hand was very outspoken. She couldn't be ignored. She was very stubborn, no one was ever going to tell her what to do. No one was ever going to tell her she was wrong. Like Emily, she was also pretty resourceful.

Janelle was the sensitive one. She wouldn't show it too often, but things did hit her personally. She was easily guilted and easily attached. If you hurt someone close to her, you hurt her. When she liked someone, she really stood up for them, really stood by them. The same was true for people that she didn't like. Once she didn't like a person, there was a constant dislike towards them, most likely a permanent one. She was also very quick to chose who was good and who was bad, like Emily, she was usually right. And like Regan, very stubborn.

"Good," Jude said, still smiling at her. "Now get changed back into your clothes and we'll go pay for it," she instructed as she left the room.

Jude headed out and sat with Regan and Janelle. "Her's is more expensive," Regan instantly mentioned. Normally, she wouldn't have cared. She was just upset because of all the attention that Emily had been getting lately. Everything had been revolving around her sister and it was starting to make her mad.

Jude sighed, she had been hearing this lately and was used to it. "And your's is more expensive than Janie's. That's just how it works. Emily's is going to be passed down through you and Janie and then your's is going to be passed down to Janie. Emily's has to be the most durable," she explained.

In reality, maybe she was babying Emily more than her sisters. It wasn't bad though. She had just gotten out of the hospital, she could have died and she didn't.

"It just so happens that I survived last month too" Regan reminded her.

1964

"Please excuse me," Jude said as she stood up form her desk. "I have to go talk to Doctor Arden."

Mary Eunice turned and watched the older nun leave. A smile appeared across her face as soon as she was gone. "Good," she said out loud.

Jude made her way down to Arthur's office, only to discover that he wasn't even there. It wasn't like she really had a plan though, she just had to let him know that she knew. She had to somehow make him pay for what he had done. It wasn't like any of them had done anything to deserve the ending they got.

1943

Jude was about six months pregnant with Janelle. She sat on the couch, crying over the letter that she had received. Her husband, Henry, was not going to be coming home from the war.

Everything was running through her mind at once. How was she going to take care of the kids, how was she going to do everything on her own? She was angry, scared, sad, and nervous.

"Mommy?" Emily questioned. She stood in the doorway of the living room, gripping onto the blanket that she used to carry around everywhere with her.

As soon as Jude heard her voice, she quickly wiped the tears from her face. Letting her daughter see her cry right now, was not an option. "Hi Emmy. What do you need?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady.

Emily just looked to her for a second, seeing there was something wrong. "I think you need this more than I do," Emily told her as she carried the blanket over to her. The little girl laid the blanket down on her mother's lap and then hugged her.

Jude returned the hug, softly laughing. It was adorable how Emily really thought that her favorite blanket would help. And it did in a way, it was a cute jester. Emily had decided to give her the one thing that she could not live without. "Thank you," she replied, planting a kiss on the child's forehead.

1953

Jude stepped out onto the front porch and saw Regan sitting on the steps, hugging her knees as she plainly stared out to the street.

"I messed up. I'm sorry," Jude announced as she took a seat next to Regan.

Regan just looked up to her, more hurt than ever. "You wouldn't have forgotten either Emily or Janie's birthday, and you know it," she argued.

Jude just looked to her, not knowing what to say. "Look," she sighed. "I know that you always get the short end of the stick, all right?" she began.

Regan just looked to her like her words were useless to her. She already knew that she was ignored at times. She already knew that she got the short end all the time.

"I really did not mean to forget your birthday. I promise you that. It's just I got called in to work an extra shift, then I got a call from your father's mother," she started to trail off, just averting her eyes Regan. "I was just preoccupied," she admitted.

Regan nodded s she looked down. "I get it," she sighed. She looked up to Jude, getting her to look back to her. "I don't need a present. I don't need a party, a cake, anything like that. I just wanted to be acknowledged," she explained before standing.

Jude grabbed her wrist, keeping her from turning and leaving. "You never struck me as one that needed it," she stated.

Regan stood there, looking down to her. "What do you mean?" she implored.

Jude looked up to her. "Sit down," she instructed, letting go of her hand.

Regan obliged. "Okay," she responded.

Jude grabbed her hand, placing it within hers. "You know, when you were little, you rarely ever needed me, or even wanted me around. You could get everything yourself, you could do everything yourself. You got mad at me if I even tried to help you. Emily, was never like that. She needed me more. And then of course, Janie's the baby. She was more like Emily though, I could help her, she needed the help. I guess I just got used to you not needing anyone. Then when Emily got sick, it scared me. I guess I just figured that I never had to worry about you like that. She was fragile and you weren't," she explained.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Regan replied.

Jude smiled to her. "You also used to stand up for me and your sisters," she told her.

Regan quizzically raised an eyebrow. She did a couple times, she was just wondering how she knew

about it.

"Emily told me. Someone was picking on Janie for not having a father, so you told them that I was just so good as a mother that it wouldn't have been fair to the rest of the world if you also had a father. Yous aid that God wanted to give everyone an equal chance," she informed her, slightly smiling as she thought back on that day.

Regan laughed. "Yeah, I remember that," she said.

Jude stood to her feet, keeping her eyes to Regan as she did the same. "I know you don't need me that often, but if you do, just, say something," Jude told her.

Regan just nodded. She had told her before this. She had been telling her. It was just, she didn't always listen. "Okay," she said forcing a smile. There was no real reason to tell her at this point.

1954

Jude solemnly walked through the front door. She stepped in and took her coat off, no greetings, no words. She looked up and saw Janelle on the couch reading. "Something wrong?" she softly inquired.

Jude stood there and sighed. "Go get your sisters," she ordered.

Janelle saw the hurt and anger in her eyes. "I'm sorry, they're not here," she replied.

Jude just nodded. "Well, I might as well tell you. I might not have a job when Monday comes," she told her. "Not the one at the supermarket anyways." That was her main source of income. The other job at the diner was just something she did on the weekends to pick up a few extra dollars. It could never actually support her family though.

Janelle looked scared for a moment, but quickly covered it. "Well, we could turn the heat down and use more blankets. We could turn lights off more often," she started.

Jude saw through her little act and held her hand up, stopping her. "We'll be fine," she promised. She couldn't really promise that, but she didn't want her to be scared.

"I know," Janelle lied, offering a fake smile.

Janelle never knew it, but that small exchange that Jude had had with her, made her feel a lot better. As a matter of fact, it was what allowed her to start filling out more applications before she knew whether or not she still had a job. Jude ended up getting a better job offer at another grocery store from it.

1964

Jude slowly walked down the hall, her mind in a haze as she thought back on her life with her three girls. With her hands in her pockets, her steps were noticeably lighter. The energy that she usually had, just wasn't there. There was too much on her mind right now, like getting back at Arthur for taking her daughters away from her.

Oooooo

Oliver Thredson sat on the bed in his basement, facing Lana. They were both working on eating the meal that he had prepared for her as he told her his story.

"Don't you understand? I needed someone. I needed a real live person," Oliver explained. His tone and posture all indicated he was calm, yet his eyes were fierce. A longing in them.

"I do understand," Lana said through her tears of fear. She was willing to say anything right now to keep him from killing her.

"I did try to get living people too. It's just that every woman out there turned out to be bitch. No one would go out with me. No one wanted to step up. That's why I had to turn to killing and skinning," he told her, as if his story had justified his killing. He didn't even sound sorry. He sounded so casual about it, like it were nothing. "It's all this one woman's fault. She was my final straw," he accused as he got off the bed and started pacing towards his work counter.

Lana followed him with her eyes, closely watching his every move. "What happened?" she implored. She knew that she shouldn't have asked, but she was curious. She needed to know what made this man this way. She had always wondered what went on in the mind of a serial killer.

Oliver stopped and turned back to her. "Well, I was out with some of my idiot colleagues. They thought it would be fun to try and get me set up with a woman. So we went to this diner and I came on to this waitress," he paused, thinking back on the event. It infuriated him. His fist clenched at his sides. "That bitch turned me down and embarrassed me!" he yelled, quickly walking back to Lana. "Do you know how that felt?"

"We all get embarrassed sometimes," Lana mentioned in attempts to calm him.

Oliver did calm down, a smile forming on his face. "It is all right now," he informed her. "I went and showed her what it's like to not have anyone in your life. She took my chance at having a mother away, so I took her chance of being a mother away from her."

Lana's eyes widened. She figured that she knew exactly what was coming next. No matter how badly she wanted to avoid hearing the details, he was about to tell her, so she braced herself.

"It was my very first murder. Her three daughters left home alone," he said, smiling even wider.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Letters from Regan

Jude solemnly entered her room. She felt desperate for something that just wasn't there anymore. As she gently closed the door behind her, her eyes scan the dark and gloomy room before her. She was done, she was coming apart at the seams. It might have not been evident to those she worked with every day, but she could feel it. All of her thoughts centering around around her former life.

Her hand went down to her pocket where she felt for the keys, her fingertips stroking them as she tried to convince herself to forget it. It wasn't working though, her desire was greater than her will. Pulling the keys out of her pocket, she hastened to the dresser and knelt down before it, hesitating to place the key into the lock. The bottom drawer, the one that hadn't been opened since she had gotten here. Even then, she didn't take much time to go over the contents.

Her hand was starting to shake as she slowly moved it closer to the key hole. Once in, she retracted her hand, scolding herself for even allowing herself to get this far. The drawer was locked for a reason, she couldn't handle seeing what was in there. The very things that she couldn't bear to part with, yet also the same things that caused her the greatest pain.

At the same time, she had come this far for a reason, she needed to finally face it. She needed to move on with her life. All this time was a huge charade, trying to trick herself into thinking she had finally gotten past everything. She had fooled everyone but herself.

Jude took a moment, closing her eyes and drawing in a deep breath. This task required her to be completely composed, or else she would completely go over the deep end. Once her eyes opened, she gingerly grabbed hold of the key and turned it. She then quickly forced herself to pull open the drawer, taking her to a point of no turning back.

A soft sob left her mouth as she peered into the drawer. Her watering eyes looking over the four objects – a blanket, a thick pink hair ribbon, a large yellow envelope, and a soft blue baby hat. She went ahead and grabbed the envelope, carefully looking it over before she opened it and spilled its contents on the floor beside her. As she sat back on her heels, she carefully eyed each little piece of paper.

Regan loved to write. She would write poems, short stories, and such all the time. She would write little notes to everyone. Jude saved every piece of writing that she could find of Regan's. The stories of being able to get away from everything and moving to places that you would most often see in Disney movies. There were melancholic poems about how she blended in too much and how she wished to noticed. Letters, letters written to her father that she knew she could never send and letters left for her sisters simply because she knew they liked receiving them. There were a lot more for Janelle than for Emily though. Finally, there were letters and notes for her – her mother.

Jude delicately reached over and grabbed a certain letter that caught her eyes. It was the one that Regan left her, when she had run away from home a week before she died. Her last thing ever written.

_Mother,_

_You obviously have your hands full here at home. I just want you to know that there are no hard feelings. Really. I know that you are protective over Emily. I might be too if I were you. She gets sick easily, I understand that. Sometimes even I feel bad for her. I may act like I can't stand her, but she is my sister, and I do care. _

_I also know that Janelle is the baby of the family. She needs the most attention. She still needs as much guidance as can be given to her. That's why I'm so protective of her. I have to be. This is why I have to leave. _

_You ignore me Mom. I know you don't mean to, and you tell me to let you know, but I do Mom. You just don't hear me. I tell you that I'm still here and you look at me with this pitiful expression as if there is nothing you can do. I know that you love me. You have done great things for me. _

_I do not mean to sound ungrateful. I love the dresses you've bought me, the home you've worked so hard to create for me. You've given up many things for me, I realize this. When you mess up, you do try to make it up to me. _

_It should not take a huge mistake though to get you to actually talk to me. Not the chat we have everyday about menial things such as how our days were. I mean actually talk. You and Emily have these discussions about how her life is going and what she wants to do with it. When ever she has a problem, you stop everything and talk to her. I told you that I had a problem and you told me that we would talk about it the next day. Well, it's been two weeks now Mom, and you are still brushing me off and telling me to wait. This problem can't wait. _

_I'm getting harassed at school. Nothing too major I guess. No black eyes, at least not on me. I have huge bruises on my back and side though. They kicked me. I stood up for you, I took a beating for defending your name and you won't even listen to me when all I want is to hear you tell me it's all right. All I wanted was to have someone listen, just for five minutes and you were too busy caring about what dress Emily was going to wear. _

_It doesn't matter anymore. I am going to run away and leave you with the time you need for my sisters. You can take the very little time you spent with me and split it between Emily and Janelle. _

_I love you, I promise. _

_Regan _

Jude sat there, her eyes watering as she thought back on that day. She remembered having Regan brought home to her, embracing her and apologizing over and over again until Regan was sick of hearing it. There was something odd about that night though, something that Jude would never forget.

1954

Jude gently knocked on the door. Regan had been home for a few hours and she wanted to check in on her. Ever since she had returned, Regan had seemed somewhat distant. "Regan? Honey?" she called, gently leaning her head on the door. Once she heard a response, she carefully entered the room, closing the door behind her.

Regan sat in her room with the light off, the moon shining a dim white glow through the window mixed with a small amount of light from a street lamp. She sat with her legs crossed on her bed, hugging her pillow. Her eyes now staring up to Jude.

Jude sighed, remaining by the door. Instantly, she took pity on the young girl, not really knowing what to say anymore. She swallowed, fiddling with her hands as she fought to find the right words. It wasn't as if she could apologize, she also couldn't promise that this wouldn't happen anymore, those words would all somehow be empty. "I just wanted to make sure that you were all right," she hoarsely stated.

Regan dropped her head, taking a deep breath. "Dad didn't die," she shakily announced. There was silence, so she took that as her cue to raise her head. Once she did, she saw Jude standing there, her hand lifted to her chest, stumbling to even think of a response. "He left you," she finished.

"Yes," Jude answered. "How, how did you find out?" she choked out the question. A part of her was afraid to hear the answer, but she needed to know.

Regan shrugged, insulted that her mother really thought she hadn't realized it yet. "We never go to a cemetery, send flowers or anything. Ma, I haven't seen any of my relatives from his side of the family in years. Something happened, I'm not sure what, but something happened," she painfully explained.

Jude moved her eyes down towards the floor, letting out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry," she responded. Her watering eyes moved back to her daughter as she shrugged. "I never wanted to have to explain it," she admitted.

Regan turned, gazing at her reflection in the mirror. "I understand," she flatly told her. "No one wants to announce that the wrong one lived, especially when they're the wrong one," she whispered.

"What?" Jude asked, almost panicking, her hand instantly rising to her chest.

Regan shook her head. "It's nothing," she softly answered.

1964

Jude set the letter down and gathered her composure, forcing herself to get back onto her feet. It took a moment to stop her crying as she straightened her habit. Palming away the last few tears, she eyed everything still on the floor. They were all dated, some folded and some left opened, some written in colored pencil while others in ink. These letters, writings here, they were her favorite thing that she grabbed. She enjoyed the other things, but these papers here were the story of their lives together told through the eyes of her daughter.

Kneeling back down, she carefully gathered the papers, making sure to stack them in chronological order. The first paper going back to when Regan was just eight years old. Jude had never truly made the connection until now. She had started writing right after Emily got sick and she wasn't able to make it to her first Communion. It was a story entitled "Lost Kitty" about a kitten who gets lost when its mother is busy attending to the other kittens. It always struck her as odd, and she did know that it meant she felt left out, she just never placed it with that particular day.

As soon as all the papers were back in the large yellow envelope, she set it down with her other keep sakes and closed the drawer, making sure to lock it. Jude took a moment to step back and just blankly stare with glazed eyes, almost as if her wishing would actually change anything.

That was it, she needed to get out of this place. She needed a release that she hadn't had in a while. Forcing herself to turn away from the dresser, she started towards the closet and grabbed a dress to get changed into.

Oooooo

Mary Eunice stood out in the hall, right outside of Jude's room. A bored expression on her face as she leaned her back against the wall, playing with her nails. She knew that Jude would be leaving tonight, it was just a question of when.

As soon as she heard the door knob twist, she stood straight up, looking to the door. "Sister Jude," she said, acting as if she were startled. "I was just about to knock. Doctor Arden wants to talk to you," she told her.

Jude just shook her head, closing the door behind her. "I don't have time for that right now," she firmly replied. Her heals clicked against the floor as she started down the hall. For the first time in a while, she was leaving this building to do something for herself. It was going to be an evening where she didn't have to care anymore. Just one night to forget. That was all she needed, all she desired.

Mary Eunice quickly caught up to her, examining the outfit. "Where are you going Sister?" she questioned.

"I'm just going out for a while. I'll be back in time for morning devotions," she flatly explained. She wanted to check her purse and make sure that she had her keys, but she didn't want Mary Eunice to see that she had make up in there.

"All right. Good bye Sister," Mary Eunice called to her, stopping in the middle of the hall. A smirk came across her face as she watched the elder nun leave. As soon as she was out of sight, Mary Eunice turned on her heel and headed towards Jude's office.

Upon entering the room, she took a seat at the desk and casually picked up the phone, dialing the number that she remembered. "Hello? Oliver?" she cheerfully asked. A laugh left her lips as she sat back and propped her feet up on the desk. "I have something to tell you," she announced, wrapping the chord around her finger. "I just saw our beloved Sister Jude leaving, and I know exactly where she's going," she informed him.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: A Night Out

Jude walked down the sidewalk, her heels clicking against the cement. It had been a while since she since had gone out like this. Her make up done, her hair up, she felt, pretty. She felt beautiful. Well, she felt she looked those things. Inside, she felt desperate and ugly.

That did not matter anymore. Now, she was here to help herself. To find a way to temporarily forget about everything and just allow herself to go numb. As she entered the building, she looked around the place, remembering a time where she would have been up in the front, blindly believing that maybe there was another chance for her. Things change, people change. Currently she was an old woman trying to fool herself into believing that she was a nun. It did not mean anything anymore though. She lost her family, she was interested in a man that she could never even dream of having a chance with, and she was working beside the murderer of her daughters. There was nothing left to lose, and nothing left to gain.

"A gin martini," she dryly ordered at the bar. She took her seat and set her things down on the counter. Tonight was going to be a long night.

Oooooo

Mary Eunice casually strolled into Arden's office, a smile present on her face. "The old whore's out of here," she announced.

Arthur looked up from his desk. He had been gathering his things to go home for the night. "What are you talking about?" he questioned, leery of her presence. Her motives were confusing to him lately.

Mary Eunice went over and sat down on his desk beside his briefcase. "I got rid of Jude. You don't have to worry about anything now," she assured him.

Arthur stood up and look her in the eyes. "How did you do it?" he inquired.

Mary Eunice smirked, leaning in and stroking his face. "Just trust me and everything will be fine. I promise. The less you know, the better," she explained, a dark undertone present in her voice.

Oooooo

"Excuse me miss?"

Jude turned and saw a man sitting alone at a table. She had been there a couple hours, and had consumed a few drinks. "Yes?" she asked, her brow raised in amusement.

"Do you think you would like a friend?" he offered.

Jude smiled as she joined the man at the table. Even though she hadn't been out looking for a companion, she felt that having someone to talk to wouldn't be so bad. It could occupy her mind for a while, maybe help her forget.

"So, what brings a beautiful lady like ya out here to this place?" he questioned before taking a sip of his beer.

Jude sipped at her drink, forcing a smile to him as an attempt to hide the sadness that lurked in her eyes. "Regrets," she simply answered.

The man nodded, seeming to have some understanding. "I know how that goes," he assured her. "I just walked out on my wife," he admitted. "Ten years of marriage, and I just walked out over a toaster."

Jude just raised her eyebrow, looking to him quizzically as she contained laughter. What was it about alcohol that suddenly made you feel like you could talk to anyone? "A toaster?" she asked.

The man took another drink and nodded. "She claimed the old one was broken and I told her that we had to wait to get it fixed. We ended up arguing about money. She said that's all I cared about anymore and I walked out," he explained.

Jude kept her eyes down to her drink, her hands guarding the cup. "I know how that goes," she mentioned, voice full of melancholy. "Henry and I have fought like that before. He ended up leaving me," she confessed.

"That gives me a lot of hope," the man remarked.

Jude lifted her head and softly laughed. "You'll go back to her. There was a lot more to Henry's leaving," she informed him, starting to stare off as she thought back on her marriage. "It was a lot of loss that drove us apart," she flatly added, holding herself together.

The man looked down to his drink. "I actually know a lot about that," he told her.

Jude shook her head. "Not like mine," she challenged. To her, there was nothing like a mother losing her own children. A man could never know how that felt.

The man looked to her, staring her straight in the eyes. "My wife miscarried last year," he said.

Jude took a gulp of her drink and looked to him with pity. "I'm sorry," she replied.

"What about you?" he inquired, motioning to her that it was her turn.

Jude took a moment to watch him, see if she really wanted to talk about all of this. She had had enough to drink where she would keep going if she started. She took another gulp, finishing her drink. It was time to tell someone. Looking him square in the eyes, she tried her hardest to steady herself. "I should have four children and a husband right now. Eventually though, everyone has to die," she bitterly explained. "Why don't ya get a couple more drinks," she suggested.

The man obliged. He felt sorry for her, but at the same time, he was intrigued. He needed to hear how this happened. Just like any other human, he was attracted to the tragedy of others. Quickly, he brought the drinks back to the table and handed her's over to her.

Jude nodded as he accepted the drink, taking a gulp before deciding to continue. "My husband, Henry, he died some years ago, after finally deciding that maybe he could come back and we could try and talk things over," she told him, a slight smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. "Funny how things work out like that. You finally get something back that you've wanted, and as quick as you've got it, it's gone again, lost forever."

Her head dropped again, staring into her cup as she reflected on how she felt the day she heard. It was unreal. It was almost impossible for her to feel anything. It was like losing something that you didn't even have to begin with. Yet, right after that, she always had this somewhat empty feeling.

"And then there's my daughters, they were murdered," she hoarsely stated, making sure to keep her head down as to cover the tears forming in her eyes. "I had to identify the bodies," she added. Finally lifting her head, she wiped her eyes. "Of course then there was my son."

1940

Jude lay in the hospital bad, her eyes closed as she laid her head back into the pillow. A smile on her face. She may have been tired and sore, but it was all worth it for what was coming next, her brand new babies.

"Mrs. Reynolds?"

Jude opened her eyes and saw a nurse standing over her with a baby in a blue blanket and matching hat. "A baby boy," she chuckled. Henry had been hoping for one. She on the other hand, wanted two more little girls, but she was happy to be able to give Henry a son.

Jude's smile faded as she saw the sympathetic eyes of the nurse. "The doctor said that he's not doing too well," she explained. "But we thought we would give you the chance to say good bye."

Jude just looked to her for a moment, not believing what she had just heard. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice rising. At this moment, she wasn't sure whether she was mad or sad, or anything. It was a full range of undesirable emotions all building up in her.

"He's not crying. He's not strong enough," she gently explained.

"That can't be right!" Jude argued. She had heard crying, that was for sure. It was loud, it had to have been both babies crying.

The nurse just looked to her, not really knowing what to tell her. "Look, I don't know how much time he has. I think if you want to say good bye to him, you'd better do it now. Then you can argue and yell later," she offered.

Jude's face softened as she calmed herself. No matter what she was feeling, or how bad she wanted to argue, she greatly desired to finally meet her son. That very desire outweighed everything else at the moment. "Fine," she tensely responded. She put her arms out to receive the baby.

"Hey there," she gently greeted as she cradled him. Looking down, she saw her own eyes looking up to her. He was perfect, all except for the bluish tint to his skin. It was that moment, that very moment in time that she learned how cruel life could be to some people. Her new born son couldn't breathe well enough to survive. It was both the best, and the worst display of the saying "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away".

"I guess you're just here for a quick visit huh?" she asked, tears started to swell in her eyes. Involuntarily, she forced herself to chuckle, as if somehow it would comfort her and the baby, maybe even change things. She took her hand gently caressed his soft little cheek. "Are you at least going to stay long enough for your father to meet you? He really wanted a little boy more than anything," she explained.

"That doesn't mean I didn't want you. Of course not, who wouldn't? I just think it would be nice if he got to meet his son," she added.

Jude suddenly froze, she noticed that her baby hadn't blinked in the past few seconds like he had been when she first met him. "No," she whimpered, staring down to his lifeless eyes. "No!" she cried out, trying to get him to respond by gently tapping his face. Reality had just come crashing down, kicking her in the gut and leaving her out in the cold.

The nurse ran back into the room. "I'm sorry, I didn't think he would die that soon!" she exclaimed, seeing Jude starting to become hysterical.

Jude laid there, sobbing as the nurse took away her dead child. It was one of those moments where she had no idea what to do with herself anymore. The nurse tried telling her to calm down so that she could finally meet her daughter, but to her, that was the biggest slap in the face they could have given her. How could she suddenly just be happy about the other baby? She felt like that would have just been shoving him aside, pretending that he didn't matter anymore because she had a replacement baby. At the same time, it wasn't fair that the girl should get cheated. She deserved to be cuddled and loved and admired. Her dead brother shouldn't get all of the attention.

After that day, Jude always felt a little guilty when ever she would do anything with Regan. As time went on, the guilt eased up, but her habits were still with her. It was hard to just suddenly go from doing the bear minimal with someone and then jump right into a good relationship.

1964

Jude sighed, wiping the tears from her face. "He died, right there in my arms," she informed him. Swallowing, she looked to the man. "Every goddamn time I looked at his sister after that, I saw him. I saw those damn eyes looking at me, taunting me, reminding me of what I lost that day," she told him through gritted teeth. "It's also what tore us apart," she added.

1940

Jude stood at the sink, sullen eyes dazedly staring down towards the baby bottles that she had been cleaning. It wasn't that she minded doing chores, she just wished that she weren't doing something so monotonous. She needed something to distract her, something to keep her mind busy.

Both of the girls were already asleep, and Henry had yet to return home from work. The house was quiet and she had all the time in the world to think. Those were the hardest times for her. It was horrible, but she had wished that she would have a hard time getting Emily to go to sleep, or that maybe Regan would have been a bit more fussy. Just something to keep her mind from wondering.

"Oh look! You forgot to dust today!" Henry called before slamming the door behind him, causing Jude to cringe.

"Well, I was busy!" she responded. She was able to finally snap out of her daze and start actually cleaning.

Henry stepped into the doorway and leaned there, looking his wife over from behind. A smile crept across his face as his eyes moved up and down her body. Before he could say anything though, he noticed the lack of smell, he did not smell any food. "So I guess you forgot dinner today too huh?" he questioned.

Jude did not even bother to turn around to respond to him. "You're a big boy now. I think you're fully capable of getting dinner for yourself every once in a while," she cheekily replied.

"I just thought since you were home all day you could have managed to get something done around here," he coldly stated.

Jude dropped the bottle into the water along with the rag. Slowly, she turned around and glared to Henry. "Maybe if ya didn't sit at that goddamn bar all the time, you would come home and notice your children," she spat. "You pathetic excuse for a husband. Coming home drunk every night and then having the nerve to tell me that I didn't get enough done for you today. How about you grow up and handle things like a man!? And not some stupid sniveling excuse for a human being!?"

Henry's eyes grew with her words. Suddenly, he marched across the floor and slapped her across the face. "How dare you insult me like that in my own house!" he yelled. "My son died! My son died two weeks ago and I'm doing the best I fucking can to get over it!"

Jude stood there, doing her best to act as if the slap had not affected her. The last thing she needed was to let him know that he surprised her, that he hurt her. She made sure to stand straight up as she looked him in the eyes. "In case you've forgotten, I was the one who carried that little boy around inside of me," she hissed through gritted teeth, harshly motioning to herself. "And I was the one who had to sit there and watch him die in my arms. Now I go up there every damn day to see that extra crib in the nursery, remembering that there should be a baby there and knowing that he'll never actually be there. Do you know how that feels Henry?" she questioned.

Jude's shoulders dropped as her anger slowly transformed to tears and her voice softened. "Do you know how bad that hurts, to look down at your very own dead child and wonder what it was that you did wrong? To know that for nine months you did the best you could and you still failed your baby? Dammit Henry! Do you know how it feels to look in the mirror and blame yourself for the death of your baby!?" she desperately implored. Jude took a moment and gathered herself, palming away a few of the tears that managed to escape her eyes. "You weren't the only one affected here."

Henry just stared at her, looking through her obvious grief and despair. "Quit the act Judy. You know that you're glad it was the girl that lived. You never wanted a little boy, you wanted a girl," he hissed.

Jude's eyes widened with disgust. "How dare you!" she screamed as she slapped him as hard as she possibly could across the face. "How dare you fucking accuse me of not missing my baby!" she screamed. Her rage though, was gradually replaced. Her face fell as she suddenly realized what was going through his head. "That's how you feel about it though isn't it?" she firmly inquired, not sure how she was feeling at the moment. "You're mad that it was your son instead of your daughter that died."

Henry huffed. "Look, we already have a girl. I wanted a son Judy," he told her. "I would have taken it better if Regan would have been the one to die."

Jude wanted to scream and yell at him more, but it wasn't worth it. She could hear the baby start fussing and she couldn't stand to even be in the same room with him. "I can't even look at you right now," she spat before storming out of the room.

Jude rushed past him and went up stairs, first to Emily's room where she cracked the door open and peeked in on her daughter. "Emily?" she gently called upon hearing soft whimpers.

"Momma?"

Jude stepped in and turned on the light. "Mommy's sorry," she gently apologized, making her way to the crib. "I didn't mean to wake you." She lifted her crying daughter and securely held her, planting a kiss on her forehead. "It's okay, I promise," she reassured her in hushed tones.

Emily wrapped her arms around her mother, tightly clinging to her as she rested her head on Jude's shoulder. "Mommy mad?" she questioned.

"No," Jude simply answered as she began carrying the toddler over to Regan's room. "Everything's okay," she told her over the sounds of the baby crying.

"I'm going to need you to sit down over here while I get your sister, okay?" she requested.

Emily tightened her grip on her mother, but as Jude knelt down to the rocking chair, Emily obliged. "Good girl," Jude told her. She then went and turned on the light before lifting her infant daughter up out of the crib. "It's okay, mommy's got you," she soothed. She then looked to Emily. "You wanna come to my room with me?" she offered, carefully grabbing the baby's bag with her free hand.

Emily nodded and followed her out of the room. The three went to Jude's room, Emily jumping up onto the bed while Jude gently laid Regan down on the bed before closing and locking the door.

"Why?" Emily asked.

Jude looked back to her and froze for a moment. It's impossible to tell a little girl that her parents are fighting. "We're having a sleep over. No boys allowed," she quickly explained, not really caring what she said. Anything to calm the young girl. Then she went and grabbed a change of clothes, heading into her bathroom, making sure to keep the door open in case anything happened.

"Why?" Emily once again asked. It was her favorite word at this point.

Jude came back out, in her pajamas. "Oh, I don't know. I just thought it would be fun tonight," she replied. She walked over and retrieved Regan who had started calming down now. With the baby securely being held in one arm, Jude turned down the bed and got under the covers, motioning for Emily to do the same. The little girl got under the covers and cuddled up to her mother.

"Now, I want you to remember something very important," Jude carefully began, looking between both children. Then focused her attention more to Emily, figuring she had a better understanding of what she was saying. "I love you and your sister very much. More than anything in the world," she stated.

"Love you mommy," Emily replied before hugging her.

Jude leaned down and gave each daughter a kiss. "Love you too. Now it's time to go back to sleep," she stated.

"Night mommy," Emily said and then sat up and peered over to her baby sister. "Night Rags," she said.

For the rest of the night, Jude lay there in bed with her daughters, occasionally getting Regan back to sleep. There were also a few times that she would have to lay there and listen to Henry knock on the door and apologize. There were only a few brief times where she had been able to doze off that night.

1964

Jude finished her last drink of the night. It was beginning to get late and she knew that she needed to get back to Briarcliff. It would not look good if she got back there too late. Her friend had already left and the place was starting to empty. There was no reason to stay anymore anyways.

She grabbed her things and paid for drinks and then stumbled out of the bar. Making her way back to her car, she heard a voice call over to her. "Are you really going to drive now?"

"No! Just gonna sleep it off!" she replied before turning back to see who it was. Once she saw Oliver Thredson standing there, she began to laugh. "I suppose you would love to see me get in a car crash wouldn't ya? Tarnish my name?"

Oliver, who was standing by his car parked on the side of the street, shook his head. "On the contrary. You have no idea who you could injure tonight if you drive. I was actually going to offer you a ride back to Briarcliff," he informed her.

Jude sighed, contemplating his offer. Her bed was far more comfortable than the back seat of her car. It would also be nice to know that she would be there in the morning without having to wake up super early just to get there before most of the others awakened. "All right," she responded in defeat. "Just don't try anything," she demanded as she made her way over to join him. She was trying her hardest to look authoritative, but in reality her drunkenness was too obvious.

"Very well," Oliver said, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. He walked over and opened the passenger door for her.

"Thank you," she muttered as he closed the door for her.

"No, thank you," he whispered to himself as he went back around to get into the driver's seat.


End file.
